The Social Welfare Institute

Today we took a 3 hour ride to the Long Gang Social Welfare Institute. Beatrix Nan Yu spent he first 2 years of her life here.

The city, Shenzhen is industrial, but with rural

touches and some natural beauty.

It was a pretty nice place as far as orphanages

go. Not somewhere I would choose to put my daughter, but you could do worse.

The facilities were relatively new, very clean and no one broke into any selections

from Annie or called me govn'r. I saw no gruel and the nannies seemed to really love Nan Yu. They called to her, tried to kiss her, some came running from other places to see her one last time. It was sad, but also happy as they have seen hundreds of kids leave for what must be a better life. We wanted to express to them how much we loved her and how we would do everything we could to make sure she had a good life. We could not thank them enough for taking such good care of our

little girl and we promised to make sure she remembered them.

We also talked some about Nan Yu's foster family. She ws only with them for 5 months, but the foster mother was so attached that she came to the orphanage several times after Nan Yu returned over the last month before we got her. That was so wonderful and we were excited to learn that when we return for a Heritage Tour in about 10 years that we will be able to meet the foster mother.

All that I was prepared for. What I wasn't prepared for:

This is the note that was found with Nan Yu. It was in her file. I am haunted by everything in here and I will be spending a lot of time just thinking and analyzing every detail.

Look at the paper. It is some type of journal or ledger, but in English. Where could this come from? It's from a spiral notebook, ripped out. Was this a hasty decision to leave a note at all? Was it a last resort decision that she grabbed the closest thing, ripped out a piece of paper and wrote the note before she could change her mind? What is the red mark? Was it on the paper before? Why is the character crossed out. what was she going to write? The date is according to the Chinese Lunar calendar. Is this odd since everyone would normally use the western, Gregorian calendar for marking a birth? Our guide said it is unusual to list the Lunar date. Why and who would use the Lunar date? The birth time is 4:17. Is that am? Is the birth mother the type who would have put 16:17 if it was pm? Is that why there is no am or pm. Also, she said that she was not named. Why? Because she knew she had to give her up? Why did she wait for days after the birth to do so? Was she tortured by the decision or did she leave the note and hope that some western family would adopt her? I have so many questions and no answers. Just seeing the handwriting, something so personal and individualized, is almost impossible to comprehend how profoundly difficult writing each character must have been.

I do not look forward to the day when Beatrix understands the significance of this letter and how much pain it will bring her, but I think it is better than not having one at all.